Dear Johanna

Naturally I have composed a letter of warm congratulations - and in her country warmth is a rare commodity. Johanna Sigurdardottir has made history and we all need to show our pride. Never before in the world has a lady of her sexual persuasion been chosen to run a Government. That Johanna is open about it is to her lasting credit. Let us hope she can repay my faith in her by repaying Somerset's £25million investment. Fingers crossed.

The other Queen

These are sad and troubled times for our great economy. As Black Rod whacks his ebony tipped stick against the slammed Commons' doors, Her Majesty will preside over a State Opening of Parliament midst the mixed sound of ceremonial bugles, tumbling shares and sinking banks. We have bitter personal experience of bank failures here in Somerset. But fortunately we have a most able expert to handle our financial crises. Frankly I would bank on him. Mr Crabb is going to be our new Council Leader. I have today written to the Palace recommending his services in dealing with the intricacies of the Civil List. And next time I am involved in a Royal event in the county I will surely drop to one knee and hope that She will favour me with a double burger and extra fries.

Ahh! What a woman

Look at those soft appealing eyes!
Don't you just want to give her a hug.
Well you jolly well should give her your vote

And here's how

Jill takes the strain

The things we Chairmen have to do in the line of duty! It was quite an effort pushing her round. Resplendant in red livery she looked wonderful. But as leaders go, she is one of the heaviest in Somerset. So it took all of my strength to get behind and shove. All for the ceremonial opening of the new turntable for the West Somerset Railway. What an event. I particularly liked the fact that the only political representatives present were all members of the Liberal Democrats, even some female candidate for the European Elections turned up. Strange, though, that only a couple of members of the real public got invited, or maybe they just wandered in. Perhaps Simon Clifford deliberately wanted to keep the event a secret? If so it worked!

Permit me to tinkle your bell, boys

I do so like to get my leg over. That is why I am such a keen supporter of the annual Tour of Britain when those muscular young men pump their pedals over our wonderful Somerset byways. Like my trusted friend and Leader of our political group, Mrs Shortland, I was behind the riders from the word go. To quote her:

"It's not often that a political group can point to a specific time and place when they met a manifesto promise, but September was just such an occasion when people lined the streets to welcome the Tour of Britain to Somerset!"

Of course bringing the Tour to this county costs money. £150,000 every time actually - which is the sort of sum that cannot be disguised as simple expenses - even if dear Jill couldn't remember anything about it when Mr Barry Nowlam asked her. But it wasn't a lie, just an oversight. Anyone can make a mistake. Which is why no punishment is in order.

Showing our muscle

In my youth I relished a challenge or two.

It is my very great pleasure to endorse the

imaginative scheme developed by Alan Jones

to encourage the County's employees. He calls

it the Dream Team Challenge and he would

like to see everyone involved. I am sure some

splendid talent will be forthcoming.

Innocent Little Me!

I am so grateful to my many friends and colleagues who have supported me in these dark days. But now the clouds have lifted I can hold my head where it deserves to be - permanently aloft once more. The allegation that I could have contemplated submitting false expenses has been rightly dismissed. As everyone knows I have dug deep into my own and Colin's pockets to gratify and subsidise the important work that the County Council does. I have nothing but contempt and pity for those who sought to besmirch my wholesome reputation. This is a great day for truth. I intend to plant a bed of petunias in honour of my public vindication.